Getting drunk as quickly as possible is not (at least not yet) your priority — you’ve got savoring to do. You might actually love the taste of a good beer, but come on, you also like how drinking it makes you look to other people. Admit it, you kind of get off on being “microbrew person” who knows their sh-t when it comes to hops and malt, and goes to tastings and whatnot in their spare time. If put under some kind of torture, you might admit to having said the phrase “beer is the new wine” at least once in your life. This isn’t about getting drunk, it’s about looking good.
You either think this looks really cool, which immediately means it isn’t, or you actually enjoy drinking these, which makes you so, so cool. It’s kind of the catch-22 of drink orders — you can never actually embrace the chill you possess with this choice, as it will completely evaporate if you do.
This is the drink that signifies that summer is officially here, and it’s time to enjoy it by drinking your alcohol in pitcher form. As it has the consistency and general flavor profile of a Slurpee, you are automatically able to justify the indulgence, as it’s almost more of a dessert than a real drink! Throw in some tortilla chips, and it’s basically a healthy meal! It’s summertime, and you’re not here to be judged.
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